Never had (Anything like this)
by satan-chillin
Summary: Sam thinks Dean is in a good mood when he stumbles upon his brother singing while making pancakes and with a dopey smile on his face despite the early morning. Destiel. SamWena/SamWitch. Post S15.


It was early morning when Sam returned to the bunker and found Dean in the kitchen.

Now, it wasn't a particularly peculiar sight. While, if they were lucky, they usually turn in for the night very late especially after a case, Dean was often a morning person. Three things, however, made Sam double take.

One, Dean was making pancakes, which in itself wasn't new.

But, two, he was singing and botching spectacularly his favorite song, and, three, he has a huge dopey smile on his face.

Dean hasn't noticed him yet, and Sam took a minute to observe his brother.

Dean was in a good mood, and the fact that it stood out to Sam like it was a sore thumb saddened him to realize that they have few good days where they could say they were brimming with happiness.

Happiness. It was an odd, subjective word, Sam supposed.

"Heya, Sammy," Dean greeted with a grin. "Rough night?"

For a second there, Sam wanted to laugh. It was a bit rough, now that he remembered, but the fun kind that he enjoyed. He pulled a seat and shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. "Fine. Yours is obviously good."

"It is," Dean simply said, his face softer when he turned around to make a new batch on the pan.

Sam wondered if Dean was going to elaborate; he didn't press. If it was something about a good lay last night, then Dean wouldn't have spared any details about the girl he was with, so it must be more than just a one-night stand.

Besides, with Dean's own hunt the previous evening, it was surprising he still had the time for hook up.

"Oh, yeah, what happened with the hunt?"

Although the same expression never left Dean's face, it took him a while to form a response. "Cas happened."

"Oh." Sam smiled. Don't get him wrong; he knew Dean could easily clear out a nest of vamps, but having a backup wouldn't hurt, Sam would say, which was why he had qualms letting Dean on his own if it wasn't necessary for him to.

Dean's mouth twitched fondly as if recollecting the event. "And you? How's yours?"

"Quick," Sam replied, clipped. "Uh, Rowena was helpful."

"Rowena?" Dean asked, startled. "You didn't tell me she was coming with you." He raised an eyebrow, and for a second there Sam thought Dean would take it badly. He didn't, though. "Huh. That actually made sense."

"What is?"

Dean just shrugged, pushing a plate towards Sam. "Eat up."

Sam ate, occasionally throwing Dean suspicious glances. Did he know? Well, it wasn't like Sam was keeping it a secret, but it was new. Like, _yesterday_ new that he was aware Dean would appreciate it if Sam wasn't to spring it out this soon.

"So where's Cas?" Sam asked once Dean was done and eating across him.

"Sleeping." Dean paused chewing and seemed to consider something. "He's tired," he added as an explanation.

From what exactly? Sam was tempted to ask. Dean would probably say from the hunt, and Sam would call him on his bullshit because smiting a couple of vamps shouldn't exhaust Cas, and if it was from the hunt in general, well, Dean, the human between the two of them, was right here clearly refreshed and not beat.

Whatever. "Right."

"So how's Rowena?"

"The usual."

"Hm."

Rowena was more than alright, Sam thought. He told Dean about the case they handled, with a slight smile that he tried to stifle during recollection.

Rowena was still Rowena, he supposed, but she came a long way, and Sam was reminded yet again during their time together yesterday. Sam was proud of her, for her developed capability to care for others aside for herself.

She saved those poor young witches from the clutch of those horrible people who used the children for their own homicidal purposes. Rowena ended them ruthlessly, and frankly, Sam couldn't find it in himself to forgive them either.

It was probably the heat of the moment, too, when she pulled him down by his collar to kiss him hard and urgent.

Not that Sam complained. He did respond rather enthusiastically after all.

Dean stood and went for the percolator. He was quiet when he refilled his cup and Sam's. Sam thought that was it, that they would continue their breakfast in silence.

Except Dean spoke, and his expression of deep consideration and the choice of topic startled Sam. "Do you remember what you said before? When you asked me whether I'm looking for something more?" Dean refused to meet Sam's eyes, and he was gesturing vaguely with his fork.

Sam couldn't remember what he meant at first until his eyes landed on a suspicious red mark by Dean's collar when the neckline of his bathrobe dipped a little with his movements.

Somehow, it all managed to click to Sam: Dean's brightness that rivaled the morning's weather despite his late night, Cas's sudden arrival from his brief leave with Jack in Heaven…

So he was actually right that Dean's mood was related with a romp in the sheets, but apparently he was mistaken that it was just like _that_. Sam pursed his lips in approval. It was about time his brother and their best friend got their shit together. Honestly, Sam just wanted to weep in celebration, though he knew Dean was trying to ease in the news to him if he was bringing up a profound question from before.

"Yeah, I think I remember," Sam replied, trying to keep the knowing smile from showing. It was difficult. "What brought this up?"

Dean shifted in his seat, playing with the last piece of pancake on his plate. Sam looked away so Dean wouldn't squirm under the scrutiny. It wasn't often that Dean was willing to speak about matters like this, and Sam was letting him take his time.

"I just, you know, kinda think you're right. Hopping town to town and looking for fun times sounds well and good, and I thought, yeah, that works the best for people like us. But the novelty runs out eventually, and one day you just want to, I don't know, wake up to a person you know you'll see again whenever you want."

Sam knew the feeling. He once thought it would be an unattainable fancy when he mentioned it the first time to Dean, and Sam had been the kind of person who sought it before amidst the hunting career, until there was no more time to dwell on it when faced with much bigger threats like The Darkness, then more recently, God.

Then Sam woke up earlier this morning, with Rowena laying on his chest like it was her makeshift pillow, snoring softly and hair mussed up with some of her curls on his mouth, that Sam was hit with an epiphany that this was exactly what he wanted, that she was what he was looking for after all this time: someone who knew and understood his life, someone who knew what he went through, and someone who was also enshrouded their whole life with otherness like Sam was but when they were together they clicked on all the right places. Sam didn't care anymore that he had been an oddity because there was someone who loved him for all his flaws and mistakes.

Rowena had kissed him goodbye when he said he had to return to the bunker to check on Dean, and for once Sam felt the giddiness of their next time.

Sam left Rowena knowing he would be back to her again whenever he wanted.

"And you want to kick yourself for not noticing soon that it's just an arm's reach away," Sam murmured. When an expression of understanding dawned on Dean, Sam knew his brother already figured it out. "Yeah, Dean. Trust me, I know."

Dean smirked, though the relentless teasing Sam expected didn't follow. He looked satisfied, not only for himself but also for how life turned out for Sam.

"Dean, are you happy?" Sam asked because it seemed crucial to despite knowing the answer.

Dean grinned. "It's not yet our toes in the sand with a cold beer at hand, but yeah, I am, Sam. I am. And you?"

Sam couldn't help but return the gesture. "It's better than what I expected, so yeah. I am too, Dean."

Dean raised his chipped mug of coffee, and Sam humored him with a fond roll of his eyes.

They would be fine.

* * *

_**fin**_


End file.
